I’m sure some of you have seen today’s edition of Doonesbury - if you haven’t, it’s worth a look. B. D., decorated veteran of three wars, has met Melissa, a young former serviceperson suffering from MST. Although he has had nothing to do with what happened to her, he apologizes for what she went through, because, in his own words, “…it seems like someone who was in authority should.”
Flash back (in a good way) almost four years ago, to one of General Clark’s first Town Hall meetings in New Hampshire. As an avid Clark supporter, I watched and listened to them all, but this one stayed with me. A woman rose to her feet, told him that she’d been sexually harassed when she was in the service, and asked him to comment on it. The anguish and rage she still felt were evident in every line of her body, in her voice.
General Clark responded thoughtfully and courteously, as is his wont – but, again, the moment that stayed with me was when he apologized. He said he’d been a leader in the Army when she was in, that it was obvious that the system had failed her, and that he was sorry for what she’d had to go through. I lated learned, without surprise, that he’d met with her afterwards and followed up on her experience.
A four-star general, a decorated war veteran, apologized to a woman he didn’t know, that he’d never met before. He didn’t know her rank, the details of her service. She probably wasn’t an “influential person,” one who could be of use to him on the campaign trail. Yet General Clark apologized to her, and made time – that most precious of commodities – to meet with her and see if there was anything he could do, because it was the right thing to do.
If I hadn’t already been 100% committed to General Clark as a candidate, that episode would have cemented it. Like many women worldwide, I have been sexually harassed (in my pre-Abbess day), being forced out of jobs, enduring unwelcome contact, looks, threats (implicit or explict). So many of us, too many of us, endure this sort of unwelcome attention – and I know it’s not just limited to women, either. I’m sure it would never have occurred to the administrator of my department to apologize to me, particularly since he was the one doing the harassing. Instead, I found a new job, with a new companion in my life – an incipient ulcer.
The ulcer has healed and I have long since worked out this trauma with good counseling and understanding individuals. I now have a plan in place, in case such an episode ever occurs again, although it grows less likely with each coming year. I remember enough, however, that reading about Melissa, hearing about the woman in New Hampshire brings back the past like a haunting echo – and hearing the apologies, whether from fictional hero B.D. or real-life hero General Clark, is profoundly moving and healing. If only everyone were as accountable as they are.
This lack of accountability isn’t limited to issues of harassment, however, nor is it limited to one gender. During this campaign season, I have watched Senator Hillary Clinton – an extremely bright, focused and competent individual – refuse to admit that voting for the Iraq war was a mistake. Perhaps this is her genuine belief, I do not know – although I have yet to hear either she or anyone else identify a clear benefit of this war. Again, listening to candidates refuse to take clear stands on important issues exasperates and baffles me. I know they need votes to get elected – but it seems, so often, too often, they lose sight of who and what they truly are. How can they lead us, if they are not truly committed to their own convictions?
To lead is to set the example. To lead is to take responsibility for all outcomes – both good and bad – and to strive, each day, every day, to fix any problems. To lead is to acknowledge and apologize for failure. To lead is to use power – which everyone has to some degree – on the behalf of others, to ease their burdens, and to make things better for the community. The American people – and the world – desperately need a leader who is willing to use his or her power on behalf of the many – not, as our current administration sadly does – for the sole enrichment of the few.
General Clark gets this.
I just wish more people did.
- The Abbess